Leading up to my departure, there were often many unknowns and many unanswered questions.  Some of these unknowns were where I would be living, the various opportunities I would be involved in, how communication would work with people back home, how “church” was structured, or what would holidays be like apart from family and friends.  Initially, I found all these unknowns overwhelming, but slowly the Lord began showing me the freedom and peace that comes from living life open-handedly and surrendered to Him.   However, amidst many unknowns, I was confident with three things in particular.  One, I had no doubt the Lord had called me out and to “Go”.  Two, the love and support of my family and many dear friends, which I will be elaborating on in a subsequent post.  And three, I was confident the Lord would teach me to depend more fully on Him.

No time was wasted when it came to learning number three – greater dependence. Within 24 hours of my arrival, I knew this year would be like nothing I had experienced before, and in some respects, I felt as though the carpet had just been pulled out right from underneath me.  I went from being completely independent in Canada – knowing the city, the language (both reading and writing!), the culture, the people, north from south, east from west, able to grocery shop (knowing the food and how to pay for it!), having a car, easy access to technology, culturally acceptable practices (i.e. asking where the washroom is located, lining up and waiting your turn), acceptable prices for various items, things considered rude or offensive (being late, littering), and what products are sold in various stores – to being completely dependent on others for the smallest and most mundane tasks.  I was dependent on others to communicate for me, as I could not speak or read the language, including street signs, store signage, and labels (thankfully, some include pictures, though!).  I depended on people for picking me up and walking me relatively short distances, and teaching me public transportation routes, even though I knew they had many other things to accomplish.  I was dependent on others to walk me to the end of my street, so that I could buy food at the market, as bargaining is often required. Since I did not know the local currency or language, even attempting to by a kilo of apples was almost impossible. Completing simple medical tests at a clinic, getting additional passport pictures taken, exchanging money, printing documents, and organizing Internet access, were some of the errands I could no longer accomplish on my own.  I did not know culturally customs and greetings, or appropriate attire for women.  Needless to say, it was very apparent how much I needed to depend on others, which still holds true today for many things today.

As I was wrestling through the feelings associated with this temporary loss of independence and recognizing the extent to which I had/have to depend on others, the Lord gently showed me I must depend on Him to that same, if not greater, extent – for everything, including life itself.   It was not until I was forced to depend on my host family, and their network of friends, for my physical needs that I realized how much more I could be depending on Christ, each day, to satisfy every longing my soul, to sustain me, to guide me, to protect me, to teach me, and to respond when I boldly approach Him.  I believe, praying for weakness, is one way I will continue learning dependence.  Daily dependence, lived out, not just written about or a good thought in my brain.  I must depend on the Source and the Giver of life.  Only He can change the hearts in this nation.